Aww you are so cute! And yes I like boys :-)
… And now it’s raining.
I’ve come to a few of them in the past couple of days, I went through a rather dark depressed period. Thankfully I’ve come out of it really well and a few things have surfaced from it.
1. My friends in this town aren’t really my friends. These are mostly people I’ve grown up with and then to a degree we’ve definitely out grown each other. We still talk and we’re there for each other but I can’t help but wonder without our past history to cling on if we even have that much in common anymore. Also most of these people claim to be there for me but when push comes to shove, aren’t.
I’m not a judgmental person with it comes to my friends, I accept their faults, immaturity’s, bad judgement calls and selfish behavior at times. But I don’t think it’s mutual any longer… It’s sad because I’ve confided in these people most of my life and now I’ve realized… in my heart… I don’t really trust them.
If I commit to being a real friend to you then I’m there no matter what rain or shine, 4pm or 4am. With the recent things that have happened to me in the past few weeks I’ve realized things aren’t exactly the same. Maybe it’s because we’re all becoming different people, maybe it’s because they’re just wrapped up too tightly in their own lives to understand what’s really going on. Either way I’ve come to a conclusion…
I love these people, but I’m keeping them at a distance, a long distance. It’s not worth my mental health if it’s not 50/50. I’m not into one sided relationships… especially in friendships. It’s painful and destructive.
My heart isn’t hardened against them, I still love them. But it’s evolving into something new and now that I get that it’s ok. Life is constantly moving and I like new things anyway. :)
2. I’m not going to die in this town or be depressed about it anymore. I have a plan, I am moving across the country soon…. it will be bad ass.
3. I cannot wait to start my new life… It’s what I’ve always wanted since I was 10. I feel a release that I haven’t felt before and a freedom to move into the person I’ve always wanted to become.
4. I’m grateful. To my family, friends, and of course my internet friends. :) You guys inspire me daily and help me realize what potential I have. I can’t wait till you guys see what I do with it.
I realize this has def been a different kind of post for me, but I just felt the need to get it out… feels good to release it out into the world… Just for myself if no one else. Helps to set a brand new chapter… My book is being written… and it’s about to get really fun and a lot more interesting. :)
I love you guys